You don't need to browse too many studies and advanced researches to realize that from the very beginning, single mothers start they academic life with a significant disadvantage compared to their male counterparts. Regardless how generous their home country social system is, a single woman will always cope with disadvantages and discrimination, and keeping the pace with the other colleagues - male especially, is a ride which starts from a disadvantageous perspective from the very first start. When it comes to academia, the struggle is getting even more complicated, for reasons that I will further explain.
In order to keep yourself from drowning in the academic world, you need to become obsessed with published articles in academic publications, teach as many classes as possible and also add every year a couple of conferences to your portfolio. Reading the latest academic results in your domain of activity and also writing moderately - but firmly - fast your next book is also a priority. Nowadays also social media and shaping your voice as an academic influencer matters. As the official - state - funding of an university is always scarce, applying for grants and always being aware of various financial opportunities is important. Add to this also applying for different scholarships and residences which may diversify the contacts, knowledge and academic opportunities.
However, when you are a single mother, balancing those exhausting activities that keep you late at night and wake you early in the day, are competing with the priority of keeping your child feed, clean, ready for school, perfectly fit to become an independent adult, healthy, but also entertained. When kids are screaming happily in your house playing the Indians, how can you easily focus on your next teaching plan or edit your chapter? And besides your health, you need money and insurances paid in time and many other bills to be paid. Indeed, also people with high qualifications and education might do once in a while the mistake of dealing emotionally with jerks.
What happens often in such stressful situations is that the academic single mother might decide to take a break from academia, do one or two or even three jobs more rewarding financially and not necessarily within your academic field - but someone who is overqualified academically can easily adapt to the competitive business domain as well. Time is passing, you write less and read the latest reports from your field even less. Not time for conferences or other academic gatherings, as you don't have time to go to library or afford to spend one night reading.
In the next 2-3 years there is no new title and new activity added to your academic CV. Sooner, you see how former colleagues are getting tenures and publishing new books, and you are happy with your stable world, where bills are paid and your child is happy, but sadly, you feel like you wasted your talents and chances only because it might happen to be in the wrong relationship.
Of course that there is not always happening so tragically and it could be that you are energetic and ambitious enough to keep yourself on the swimming line of academia, although juggling with other jobs - this writer here, is an example. But at the end of the day, you will feel at least 10 times more worn out than your relaxed colleague which is only unhappy that the editing of the last chapter didn't turn out as expected.
Things are made this way and the system is created in a way which does not offer too much generosity to the outbreakers and people which cope with some special - sometimes at the limit of survival - situations. At the end of the day, you simply might feel guilty that you made once that wrong choice and now you have to pay not only with your time, money and health, but also with your career.
It is not easy and coaching and support for those women who are fighting hard not only to survive, but also to outperform, is not easy. But it is doable and it is worth every single effort. Also, to prove that at the end of the day a life dedicated to the world of mind can succeed over adversities, be it social or gender-based.
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